Last year about this same time I posted the above image on Instagram with the caption “Autumn woods are the best woods”.

Today these woods look very similar, and the sentiment still holds true but on this day there is sadness.

On this day we took our beloved Jake for his final walk on this trail in the Flathead Valley, a trail which he had come to love so much on our annual fall trips here over the years.

On this day we embarked on the trail carrying Jake’s ashes, intent on leaving a part of him here for eternity. But as we traveled that trail, with the sun lighting up the tamarack trees and the breeze gently rustling the aspen leaves, and even as we carefully opened the bag containing his ashes and each held those ashes in our hands and sprinkled them along the trail, I realized that he’s already here. He’s already here in the memories I have of the many walks we’d taken on this same trail for years.

He’s been gone since August and we’re growing accustomed to him not being there. His picture hangs prominently in the shop and I love to see him there every time I go to work. We miss him, but life’s rhythm is being restored.

Last night we arrived at our familiar destination. It’s so great to be back. But we were greeted by a dose of sadness when we arrived. I miss him more than I thought I would.

I miss him excitedly entering and exploring the cabin, I miss him laying in front of the fireplace, I miss him anxiously awaiting his dinner or breakfast (highlights of his existence to be sure) and of course I miss our early morning walks around the property. I think about the roughly 10 years we’ve been making this trip and it strikes me that we have never been here without him.

So yes, Autumn woods are the best woods, even still, and the trees and the dirt and the air hold a magic of their own, there is a soul in this place. But today it feels a little less magical, a little bit lonely.

This place captured my heart long ago and that will always be, but trees and dirt mean so much more when all is right with the world and you are with the ones you love.

I love that there is now a physical part of him here, mixing into the earth. It’s an appropriate place for his ashes to rest but that is but dust in the dirt. What I love more is the memories I have of him, of us, in this place.

The sun is shining on you and on us this day as we take one last walk with a physical part of you in our midst, but we will always walk with you in our hearts, cherishing the memories of our time together until we meet again.