Wandering the trails this past Thursday evening in a post-Thanksgiving dinner tryptophan haze, I struggled to come to terms with a new reality. A reality inexorably linked to the passage of time. To the accumulation of years behind me and the dwindling days ahead.

I’m acutely aware of the fact that I have been abundantly blessed with the luxury of introspection, some might even call it navel gazing, which is not something I’m generally a fan of.  I recall a not so great moment of parenting some years ago when I challenged my son to rise above his emotional distress, pointing out to him while I read a book about the Granite Mountain/Speculator Mine Disaster which occurred in Butte in 1917, that those young men working in those mines had no time for such introspection. That they just went to work and did what they had to do, and were not afforded such luxuries. It was not one of my prouder parenting moments but not much different than things I likely heard from my dad while encountering my own moments of drama and existential angst growing up.

Regardless, as they always do, times are changing. It’s nothing remarkable or unique. It’s just the way it is.

2020 was always going to be a year of personal milestones though I would never have imagined these milestones taking place during a global pandemic. I turned 50 this year and also celebrated my 25th wedding anniversary. Additionally the nest was emptied this fall as our son set off for the University of Montana, embarking on the next chapter of his life.

The planned birthday festivities  were cancelled, yet another Covid casualty.  Our 25th Anniversary also came and went without much fanfare, as is appropriate, though I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the fact that I am among the luckiest men in the world to have married up to such an amazing woman who has been my inspiration and my foundation. We’ve come a long way and weathered storms which many haven’t. Our story is a testament to faith in all that is good in this world and beyond.

Back to the tryptophan haze – Thanksgiving 2020 was a different day in a different time and place. Walking our old dog who has had some health issues as of late, and missing the kid,  I found myself wanting to tap the brakes on life while knowing full-well I cannot.

Our son doesn’t come home from Missoula much, his work schedule doesn’t really allow for it. He had Thanksgiving Day off so he did come home on Wednesday night but it was all too brief a visit as we struggled through yet another embarrassing Thanksgiving Day performance from our Detroit Lions, hurried through an early dinner and got him back on the road. And while it didn’t really hit me in August when he left,  I’m now coming to terms with this new reality.

I worked minimally when I was going to college and I went home a lot. I would spend weeks at a time at home during Christmas break, at least in the beginning. Eventually though, I settled into my own life and visits home became less frequent and much shorter in duration. I held on to home maybe longer than I should have. He has moved on and this is a good thing. We couldn’t be more proud of him.

So once again, I fully acknowledge that all of this is nothing out of the ordinary. It’s nothing people aren’t experiencing all of the time but having the aforementioned luxury of introspection as well as an avenue of expression, I’m simply struggling through coming to terms with it all.

Dogs get old. Kids move out. Life goes on.

And it’s all a tremendous blessing. It’s the sting that makes it real.

We all take too many things for granted but with any luck, with age and perhaps with the time to reflect, things start to take on a greater significance. Or maybe they don’t for everyone, but for me, in spite of the challenging emotional state brought on by such moments, I wouldn’t trade this for the world.

Time will continue to pass, oblivious to the emotions it inflicts, but for this moment I cherish the occasional night when we are all sleeping under the same roof. This was the norm not too long ago. It didn’t used to mean much but time has transformed me and has made what was normal something now to be cherished.

I have much to be thankful for.

Happy Thanksgiving!